3 Steps to stop caring about what people think.

Before you read this blog, how about you answer one question.

“Have you ever felt an instant rush and excitement at the idea of doing something, but you were abruptly interrupted by the thought - But……what will people think of me, if I do this?

If your answer was “YES”, and of course it was, then you too, like millions of people care too much about “What other people”. 

Now see, Our ancestors shared this planet with woolly mammoths and saber toothed tiger, so… “Lyyyf was HARrrrrD”. And not your “high school drama" kinda hard, like real hard. 

The only way that Homo sapiens could survive was by sticking together and forming groups. Hence we became social animals. Now, just imagine, in those times, if a lot of people in your group didn’t like you, what would happen to you? 

Yes, you might be left behind and torn into pieces by the saber toothed tiger. 

Needless to say, you had to be socially acceptable to survive. 

In the 21st century, though the Homo sapiens are far from these kind of situations. We have evolved to be more individualistic and independent. Although we can only make big things happen when we come together - like revolutions and stuff. But a day to day ordinary survival doesn’t require us to be in large groups.

However, we still carry that fear of being left behind and the anxiety of not being accepted socially cause evolution decided to fuck us up like that. Hence all humans carry that information in their genes. We are all infected with it.

 And it manifests itself in various ways, including people pleasing and oversharing on social media. (And a gazillion other ways that I can’t think of right now.)

So, today I have 3 practical steps for you, that I personally used to get over this mindset and habit of caring too much about other Homo sapiens.

1. Understand the fucking problem.

If you find yourself being impacted by people a lot or comparing yourself to other people a lot or being intimidated by people easily (and not in a good way). Then chances are you don’t really have a strong core.

What does it mean to have a strong core? You ask!

Having a strong core means to have a strong sense of self. 

It means to know who you really are, like reeeaaally. What your interests are, what are you good at, what are you naturally drawn too, what are your habits, what are your weaknesses, what do you fear, what pisses you off and etcetera. 

You need to know a lot of such deep, uncomfortable and ugly stuff about yourself. 

Yes, you gotta open that door. You can’t keep it shut no more.

And to know all this, you need to spend quality time with yourself. Experiment with new stuff, take yourself out on dates, nourish your mind with good books and good things. And stand strong by yourself when it gets dirty and ugly, cause it will.

But very few percentage of people actually understand this concept. And fewer amongst them actually do it. Cause lets be honest - it ain’t no walk in the park, shop in the mall kinda easy stuff. It’s deep and uncomfortable. 

Just look at it this way. You are dating someone, who you are for sure gonna have to marry. But would you ever marry someone whom you know nothing about.

If you want to stop caring about people, you need yourself.

You need to have your own strong values based on your experiences. You have to define all important things in life for yourself like - define what success means to you or define what being rich means to you.

Once you are able to do that, you won’t ever have to accept someone else’s definition of these things. And you for sure won’t give much shit about what someone else is doing.

2. Observe.

In my experience and research on human psychology I have found that humans have 2 minds.

1. The thinking mind

2. The observing mind.

Now let’s say, these two minds are twins, and you are the parent. 

The Thinking mind happens to be quite a bitch. It is the notorious one, who never follows the rules or is a huge pain in the ass to the parent. Their thinking mind, for most people is totally out of control and is the root cause of all their misery. It makes you compare yourself to others and feel like shit.

If you try to fight it, guess wat! this little bitch fights back. No shit!! And it fights harder, while you are the one who deals with all the pain. 

So what do you do in that case? (in a dorky tone)

You can take help of your Observing mind. 

Sadly, in most people the observation mind is lying dormant. They don’t even know that they have one or don’t know how to use it. 

Your observing mind helps you to observe what your thinking mind is doing to you, which most of us don’t ever notice. 

When a nasty thought arises in your thinking mind, it gets involved with it. Your observing mind actually stays back and sees that thought arising and also sees how your thinking mind is giving it a lap dance. It helps you keep a level head and see things from a higher angle while your thinking mind is performing an orgy with multiple thoughts.

Meditation, breathing exercises, journalling and tons of others mindfulness practices actually help you in activating your observing mind. And you become more aware and self conscious.

The more you learn how to use it, the stronger it becomes and the more easier it becomes to see how stupid your thinking mind is being all the time. 

Remember you just have to practice Observation and get better at it. Soon your thinking mind will feel ashamed of itself.

3. Understand life and people.

As you begin to understand yourself, you will realise that you are able to understand life and people too. 

When people are being mean to you, you will be able to look through them. Being able to see through people isn’t a superpower, its just higher level of awareness of yourself and life. 

So next time Uncle Sam lets his opinion about you fly, in the family gathering instead of being butt hurt about it, you will be calm, cause now you know yourself and you will be able to see through him. 

May be Uncle Sam isn’t happy in his own life. May be he is insecure in his own personality. (Well then he’s the one who needs to put in the work now)

Having a deep and real knowledge of yourself makes you a very open person. Open to everything - life, other people. 

People with different opinions won’t threaten your sense of self anymore. You won’t get into petty arguments and meaningless discussions, neither will you be affected by them.

And one of the keystone for living a happy life is to “UNDERSTAND LIFE” both within you and outside you. 

In my journey of self exploration I have realised that - 

People aren’t inherently bad or evil. They just aren’t in touch with their true being. Their true nature is usually buried under the compulsive habits they have or the kind of environment they were brought up in.

They just aren’t their best selves.

They have all these layers of insecurities and negative habits. Often when they say something to me, it’s not about me it’s actually about them. 

All I do is wish them healing because every one deserves to be who they really are.